About Me


Dearest readers,

I am a college senior ready to make the transition to independence and the working world.

I grew up in New Mexico in a conservative Christian family and lived an extremely happy, blessed, and insulated life for the greater part of my childhood. My parents loved each other very much and provided for me the best home they could. They sent me to a private Christian school that reinforced everything they had taught me and where all my friends had conservative, Christian, middle-class families like mine.

As I got older, a few key events shook this model. I switched to a public school with people who had ideas different from my own, and in the natural process of growing up I realized that parents are not always right, and that it was oddly convenient that the worldview that was “right” just happened to be the one I was born into. Still, my mother was always able to make sense of the world with her simple, down to earth logic. She was the glue that held everything together. Then the unthinkable happened: she died.

While her absence was felt immediately, the real effects of her loss on my life would not be felt until much later. Things did not unravel at first. Her wisdom continued to guide me for over a year after her death, and in many ways it still does. However, at 16 years old, I was far from done asking questions, and now there was no one to answer them for me. Dad was of little help, he could never tell me why he thought what he thought, and there are many things a young girl faces that she simply isn’t comfortable discussing with her father. That, is where this journey really started.

In addition to life’s questions, I also had an insatiable appetite for the unknown. I would look past the mountains out our back windows and think about the world beyond them. When I chose a school, I chose one as far away and in as different a place as I could. At the time that was only the east coast, but it was shock enough.

That taste for the unknown and for ideas different from my own led me to study international relations and to move even farther to a place where I could appreciate real culture shock. I spent half a year living and studying in China where I was challenged and prompted to question everything. (More on this later.)

Now here I am, ready to make my own way in the world and considering what it means to me to live well. What kind of person do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to live? I’ve heard again and again that life is what happens when you are making other plans. I realize that it will not be so much about the goal of what I want my life to look like in the future as how I live my life now.

I hope this blog serves some entertainment and some thoughtful insights for other young women as I try and navigate these questions for myself.

Live well,

J

5 Responses to About Me

  1. Pat Cegan says:

    Well, I am not a young woman…turning 68 this month. But I enjoyed what you wrote and look forward to learning more about how you view the world. These times require us to question everything…do not accept ANY sacred cow without question. The most important thing you can do is to consider carefully everything you read, see, and are told. We have minds more powerful than we believe. We must, must, think! Use discernment, evaluate and listen to our inner guidance. This inner guidance has nothing to do with “religion.” But we all have it and the more we use it, the stronger it becomes. I have never been led wrong by it. It is good to meet you. hugs, pat

    • Pat,
      Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I have so many things to learn and am excited for life. Sometimes I feel discouraged and afraid. Sometimes I feel weak, but I am continuously reminded of the good I can expect from the world and myself by wonderful people like you and I take courage. Thank you.
      -J

  2. Joss Conlon says:

    I’ve read over much of your blog these last few minutes, and there is much to discuss. I was struck by something though–truly an epiphany of sorts–in what you’ve written here. It’s the quote–old as they come, and trotted out at a suitable time by any number of unsuspecting peddlers, myself included. “Life is what happens while you’re busy making plans”.

    I never realized until this morning, this moment, this blog–but that is WRONG.

    Life is the rut we fall into while we’re trying to figure it all out. Life is the washing machine we buy because we “need” it. We put it in our kitchen and wash the same clothes over and over again for ten years. Before we’ve realized it, the machine is old, the clothes are old, the kitchen is old…WE are old. Life isn’t what is happening; just the process of dying.

    The idea behind the quote, I suspect, is to make us understand that we need to take each day as it comes. But pithy platitudes don’t change reality, and the reality is that damned washing machine is killing us. That’s why housewives get bored and escape into soap operas, businessmen get bored and escape into extramarital affairs, and why relationships come and go at a whim. Boredom is what happens while you’re busy making plans.

    Have you ever wondered why we can’t seem to maintain the excitement and passion of a new love? I have. Lately, it’s all I’ve been able to think about. The woman I love more than anything in this world save my daughter, has grown bored with me. And in truth, no matter how much I love her I find myself bored at times, too. But it’s not her I’m bored with…it’s the fact that we have nothing left to be excited with one another about. We’re done exploring one another. We know all there is to know. She’s seen me in all my naked wonder a thousand times. What’s left to spur the imagination? Is it any wonder she finds other people, other situations, other avenues so much more exciting and is drawn to them so strongly? She hates the fucking washing machine. Who could blame her?

    But I can’t close my eyes that I don’t see her face. I can’t MAKE plans because I’m too afraid of losing her to the excitement of greener grass. I want to make the grass green for her, too. I want her to be happy again. She is so beautiful. I want to see that magnificent face lit up with terror as she speeds down a zip line over the canopy of the jungle…and watch her laugh herself silly when we get back on the ground. I want to feel the tremble of her hands as we rediscover one another again under the stars above the Serengeti. But life–life has other plans. Life has washing machines that need to be paid for, clothes that need to be replaced, bills that come before the exotic salad bar of my imagination.

    Life is what happens while we’re trying to figure out how to make our dreams come true, and life in that context is boring, tedious. No wonder she doesn’t want me anymore.

    I’m the washing machine in the kitchen.

  3. colee112 says:

    I am really glad you found my blog so I could find yours. It seems we are at a very similar part of our lives. Break ups and wondering where the future will take us. Trying to find the dream job. Whilst i haven’t had a chance to read your blog in detail yet, I look to it and hearing about your journey.

    • I’m so glad too! That was the reason I started this blog really. I knew there must be other young women out there like me struggling with similar issues. I hoped that by posing my questions I could connect with some of them.

      I really admire your focus on health, happiness, and self development. Keep it up, and I look forward to reading your blog in the future!

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